I am not okay.

It’s exactly 02:06 AM. I am so nervous, I am struggling to sleep and I am so angry. I am angry that I have to face anxiety everyday. Iam angry that it never ends, the trigger to my anxiety never ends.

Honestly, I am shaking. My knees are so weak. You remember when you did something wrong as a child and you’re about to get a punishment? Yes that’s how nervous iam.

My social media accounts have been of a lot of trigger to my mental health. Everyday when you log into your Facebook and Twitter you see all the things that bring you down. Social media might be good but it is bad too. Imagine having to read everyday about the brutal murder of women and children, or even see videos of such brutal killings.

There’s been alot of Gender-based violence (GBV) happening around in South Africa. In a space of three weeks, many women and children have died in the hands of men, whether they are murdered by strangers, fathers, boyfriends or husbands. Having to read about young girls being raped and murdered, one of which was a three month old baby who was raped and killed, an 8 months pregnant Tshegofatso pule who stabbed and hanged on a tree, Naledi Phangindawo- the list goes on and on…

Picture from Google.

Now that is a lot to take in for me, that has messed me up, literally. While we have to deal with the covid-19 pandemic. Men are busy showing the devil how things are done. While we’re fighting to survive this covid-19 pandemic, we still have to digest the fact that “Siyaphela” (we are dying as women and children), at the hands of men who are supposed to protect us from the cruel world.

I CANNOT HELP BUT SIT AND WONDER #AMINEXT. Will I also be attacked in my own place, raped and stabbed 52 times- Precious Ramabulana we remember you. #AMINEXT. Will I also be attacked by an employee at a post office, raped and bludgeoned to death because I was told to come back later to collect my parcel- Uyinene Mrwetyana we remember you. The list is endless.

Picture from Google.



  1. We have become an endangered species.
    I am totally uncomfortable being free around any man without thinking what might come out of it.
    Even those we’ve entrusted with our safety can no longer be relied on..
    Its very sad. I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve this animosity.


  2. I am so sorry the reality of life has become so ugly. I thank you for not closing your eyes to the world’s suffering, even though it is doing you harm. You must protect yourself though or at least build in moments of peacefulness and joy.


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