Often times we blame ourselves for failed relationships and friendships, we even feel like we could’ve done more or be more. Maybe we were the toxic ones, but what if we weren’t? What if they’re the ones who didn’t deserve us?
Sometimes we need to remember that no matter how much we try, we can never win other people’s hearts over, and we don’t need to feel bad about it. Some things don’t work out not because of what we did or did not do, but because they were never meant to be.
I remember being in a relationship with a person who didn’t care about me. At first, I was blindsided because I was so inlove with him. And he wasn’t. It took me time to actually see that he did not feel the same way that I did. I tried to do everything that I thought would make him feel the same way I felt about him, but when a person is so convinced you’re not for them then all will be in vain. The cheating, the lies, the disrespect and being made to doubt myself! I took all of that. I stayed with someone who made me compromise my values. Did anything good come out of it? Absolutely not. I lost myself trying to chase after someone who didn’t love me.
When it was finally over, I cried myself to sleep, and felt like a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders the next day. I felt so relieved but still, a part of me wanted what wasn’t meant for me.
But honestly, after some break ups- you get to see how much of yourself you’ve lost trying to be good for someone who isn’t good for you that you end up losing yourself. You get to realise that not even one thing about you has changed for the better. That all that the relationship has brought you is nothing close to positive.
When it comes to friendships, it’s as hard as with romantic relationships or maybe a little bit more. Being friends with someone for such a long time, then one day one of you decides that it’s not worth it anymore, that they’re just gonna give up on the friendship.
I’ve had a close friend, who I considered to be my bestfriend for the longest time but one day, I just decided that it’s enough! Not because I didn’t love them anymore but because more than anything the efforts I put in the friendship were never reciprocated. Well at least that’s how I felt, that’s what they didn’t want me to think otherwise. You know when you feel like you’re the only one that wants to make things work? Yes, friendships are a lot or work too.
The friendship went on after a couple of betrayals later, couple of lies later and after a couple of lack of efforts later. It was like I was in a relationship that lacked communication, affection and to top it up, lacked honesty and transparency. Exhausting right? It’s exhausting being made to feel like you’re not enough, whether they did it intentionally or not.
After putting up with all of that, I just knew that it’s time to pack my bags and leave a friendship that doesn’t nurture me or bring me peace within myself, and I knew that it wasn’t my fault because I tried. I gave it my all, and unfortunately THEY DIDN’T DESERVE ME!
This blog post is for someone who blames themselves for failed friendships and relationships. You tried the best you could, but It didn’t work out. It’s not your fault. THEY DIDN’T DESERVE YOU!